Movies From the Black Lagoon


HELLIONS - 2015, Unrated

By Tom Doty



A hoard of demonic kids terrorize a young woman on Halloween in this shocker from Canada .

The story opens on Halloween afternoon where we drop in on young Dora and her boyfriend. They make plans to meet at a party later that night. Dora leaves for a doctor’s appointment and doesn’t even notice the three young girls in costume. That’s the thing about Halloween , we don’t look twice at kids in bizarre dress. Turns out these three witches are poking a pile of dead raccoon with sticks. Not a pretty site but certainly a harbinger of the horrors yet to come.

Dora is shocked to learn from her doctor that she is four weeks pregnant. She is so deep in denial that she fails to register the significance of yet another creepy kid in the waiting room. She rushes home and begs off trick or treating with her mom and younger brother. She has a lot to think about but that means nothing to the treaters assembling at her door.

The first one is a silent oddball who rocks a rotting scarecrow costume and the manners of a rattle snake. The next pair at least remember to say “trick or treat “but they add a wrinkle. One reaches out and pats her belly while mumbling “baby.” Eerie to be sure but we’re just getting warmed up.

Meanwhile Dora is starting to exhibit signs of a woman in her second trimester. Especially the cravings which find her smearing honey and salt on pickles before gobbling them up like so many cheese fries. Cramping follows and she places a hectic call to her doctor. Meanwhile the terror tots make their wishes known. They want the baby but mommy has to go!

The doctor shows up promptly. Unfortunately the kids lay into him so he’s a bloody mess by the time Dora lets him in. The flee to the basement where she assumes the doctor role and tends to a nasty neck wound that the doctor incurred. Turns out that her medicinal skills are questionable. She slaps duck tape on the neck and fastens a makeshift bandage to the doctor using a staple gun.

The doctor survives long enough to help her escape before he is over run by screaming imps who take him apart like he was made of Legos. Dora accidentally beans one of the little terrors with a jar of salt and realizes that they have a weakness. Table salt makes them shrivel up like slugs. She goes all A-Team on the squirts now and repacks shotgun rounds with sodium chloride.

Before too long it is time for the final battle . She meets the little satanic snots on their own ground . The local pumpkin patch becomes a carnival of carnage as Dora proceeds to take the fight to the Hellions on their own ground.

This is a smart little chiller thanks to inspired direction by Bruce McDonald(Pontypool). McDonald knows what scares us-creepy kids in costumes (or is that creepy costumes on kids?). he has a superb sense of

mood and gets solid work from his young cast. He even manages to sneak in an ending that is as unexpected as it is uplifting. 80 minutes well spent.

Best Lines: “Alright killer let’s take out those guts.”

“There’s still a pumpkin left, we can use that tongue of yours to carve it.”

“When baby ready, we cut you. Blood for baby.”

HELLIONS – 2015, Unrated

By Tom Doty

Tom Doty is a columnist for The Floyd County Times.

Tom Doty is a columnist for The Floyd County Times.

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