There was a guy in high school that drove me crazy. He put me in garbage cans and hung me out the second floor windows-sometimes on the same day.
It was not uncommon for him to get my shoes and sling them from one end of the hallway on the second floor to the other. (Once when he did that, I had had enough and bit him really hard. He screamed like a girl and stomped off-but I still had my shoe!)
When he did goofy stuff I acted like he was driving me insane, but inside I was all melty. I was secretly madly in love with him. We married shortly after we graduated. Whew! That was forever ago.
In the late-1970s, when Fantasy Island was so popular, everybody dreamed of what they would do if they could go there. My sister wanted to sky-dive. She thought it would be awesome. My cousin wanted to go down rapids in a canoe. I dreamed of marrying Tommy Reed. All these years later, I’m the only one that realized my dream!
Over the years he and I have been all over the world. We’ve been white-water rafting, raised two children together, plus all kinds of other stuff, but, the other day, my beloved and I did something that in 10 million years I would have never imagined!
I was talking to him while he shaved his head. (I didn’t think I’d say that years ago!) It takes skill to shave a whole head bald without cutting the skin. I watched as he moved back and forth with the razor checking to make sure he had covered every spot. He trimmed his eyebrows and then pulled out the last piece of the trimming kit. It looked like a grinder of some sort. Wait, no, it looked more like a small upside down whipper the cooks on TV mix stuff with. “What on earth?!” I thought to myself.
He attached it, turned it on and then stuck it in his ear! Holy smokes! There were all kinds of grinding and whipping noises! Not from him, but from the thing he stuck in his ear. He moved it around and around, stuck it in the other ear and then after wiping it off, stuck it in his nose! Good grief! My eyes were big, I know! Gino’s Pizza! He was trimming his nose hairs! (I totally support it, just hadn’t seen it done before.)
Psalm 139:14 says: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” As we age, it’s more fearfully than wonderfully. Let’s be honest, after so many years, hair starts growing out of the weirdest places. If we don’t do something about it, we will have a forest of ear and nose hair before we know it! Since we can’t stop it, we sure can try to keep it maintained!
After his grinding/trimming spree, I had an idea. The other morning, as I washed my face, I saw what looked like a tiny spider leg sticking out of my nose. Upon further inspection, I found it was a big ole black hair that was attached and very successfully growing out of my nose! I couldn’t maneuver the scissors in the exact spot to trim it. I tried to use a razor but was afraid I would slice open my nostril. The thought of plucking it was ludicrous! I shoved it back up in there and had been keeping a check on it for a few days.
This nose trimmer/grinder might just be the ticket! I told my beloved about the spider leg I had seen in my nose.
“You hold really still and I’ll get it,” he said in a tender voice. Slowly, slowly he raised the trimmer to my face. I braced myself against the cabinet. With focused but squinted eyes he moved the cutter into position. It went to work and I squealed, pushing him away. It tickled so much I couldn’t open my eyes! “Stop! Stop!” I yelled though he was really close. “I can’t take it!” I went on. I rubbed my nose violently. Both of my eyes watered and we got tickled. I felt like I had been swabbed for the flu!!!
“Let me try one more time,” he coaxed. I trust him with my life but decided I’d try it myself. With almost closed eyes I raised the nose trimming attachment to my spider leg. (The spinning/whirling sound was like something in a James Bond movie!) Sheesh!
What on earth happened to us?! If you had told me back in high school that the crazy guy who was putting me in garbage cans and stealing my shoes would be helping me trim hairs out of my 50-something nose, I would have told you that you’d were C-R-A-Z-Y!
The Bible doesn’t lie. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. But the older we get…it’s the weird and creepy kind!
Dawn Reed is a columnist for The Floyd County Times.