Movies From the Black Lagoon

PETRIFIED - 2006, Unrated

By Tom Doty

A vicious blood drinking space mummy menaces a private asylum for nymphomaniacs in this farfetched sci-fi thriller from the folks at Full Moon entertainment.

It all begins in the cut throat world of black market antiques. A secret rendezvous in a remote area finds three hoods meeting up with an eccentric, make that nutty, Professor. He trades them a suitcase full of money for a coffin full of Mummy. The thieves get greedy and opt to kill the egghead and fence their goods to some other loaded scholar. Bad idea.

They plug the professor but his blood awakens the Mummy who gets up angry(or maybe he isn’t that tightly wrapped) .The monster also rocks laser eyes which he uses to turn the goons into stone. One gets away and he manages to make off with a briefcase holding the Mummy’s hand(apparently this was one of those ‘some assembly required’ deals).

The escapee, Buzz, finds shelter at a private asylum. He calls for help but is told he must wait an hour for his ride. He then bumps into Dr. Helen Noel who tells him he must leave as this is a private facility for nymphomaniacs. Buzz questions why anyone should seek a cure for this affliction and immediately reveals he’s a sexist doofus.

Meanwhile two healthy young patients have snuck outdoors with a blanket and some booze. It’s clear that something is up with this lax facility or else Hugh Hefner owns it. Unfortunately this romp ends with an ugly intrusion by our rampaging space Mummy. He promptly sucks their blood and ruins their evening.

Back at the asylum we learn Noel is an intruder too. Her sister is a resident of the facility and she has come to break her out. Buzz also drops a bomb when he allows that he is actually a Federal Agent who was undercover looking into shady buys in the Antique community. He also notes that the clinic has bigger problems than lax management. It is now the home of an evil space mummy and no amount of lingerie clad nymphets are going to appease his intergalactic thirst for the red stuff.

I wish this was all as good as it sounds but the movie is shot on the cheap and has more crazy ideas than its meager budget can translate. It is another quickie from the folks at “Full Moon entertainment.” these are the guys who did everything from ‘Puppet Master” to ;evil Bong.” They are like Trauma Studios with a little more output but slightly less energy.

That said this Mummy is more than capable of killing an hour for you . The cast is attractive and the monster gets some back-up from his disembodied hand which crawls about strangling lovelies. The setting is certainly unique and there are a ton of trailers for other products from this company which has a lot of horror flicks in their vault and available for streaming on Hulu.

Best Line: ” It’s a pile of rancid alien glop.”

PETRIFIED – 2006, Unrated

By Tom Doty

Tom Doty is a columnist for The Floyd County Times.

Tom Doty is a columnist for The Floyd County Times.

comments powered by Disqus